What It Really Means to “Do the Work” in Therapy

You’ve likely heard the phrase before—maybe from your therapist, a podcast, a friend, or even in your own head: “I know I need to do the work.” It’s a powerful statement, one that carries both the weight of responsibility and the hope of change. But what exactly is “the work” in therapy?

If you’re a high-functioning professional who’s spent your life solving complex problems, navigating big responsibilities, and doing your best to keep everything together, you might expect therapy to follow a similar model. Show up, get insight, apply tools, check off goals. But therapy—especially trauma and anxiety-focused therapy—is rarely that linear. “Doing the work” often means entering a much more intimate, layered process.

Let’s break down what it really means to “do the work,” and why it’s both more challenging—and more rewarding—than many expect.

1. Showing Up Fully (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It)

Therapy starts with the simple, brave act of showing up. But not just physically. “Doing the work” means showing up emotionally—bringing your real self into the room, even when it feels vulnerable, messy, or disorganized.

There will be sessions when you’re tired, defensive, or distracted by life outside therapy. That’s normal. But part of the work is learning to notice those patterns and stay engaged anyway. Because therapy isn’t just about what happens when everything’s calm—it’s about what happens when it isn’t.

Doing the work means:

• Coming in even when you don’t feel like it.

• Talking about the things you avoid.

• Saying, “I’m not sure how to say this, but…” and taking the risk anyway.

2. Getting Honest—with Yourself First

If you’re like many of the people I work with, you’ve probably spent years (decades, even) becoming really good at compartmentalizing pain, pushing through discomfort, and staying productive in spite of anxiety or trauma.

In therapy, we learn to reverse that strategy.

Doing the work means starting to get honest about what hurts, what you’re carrying, what you feel ashamed of, and what hasn’t been working. That honesty often starts quietly—through small disclosures, tears you didn’t expect, or the ache you finally allow to surface.

And this is where therapy can feel especially tough. Many adults think they’ve already “dealt with it.” But coping isn’t the same as healing. You’ve survived by being strong. Therapy asks you to be real.

Doing the work means:

• Letting go of the polished version of yourself.

• Naming uncomfortable truths.

• Being willing to explore thoughts and feelings you normally shut down.

3. Sitting With Discomfort, Not Fixing It Immediately

This one can be especially hard if you’re someone who’s used to finding solutions quickly. In therapy, you’ll often encounter feelings or memories that don’t have immediate answers—and that’s okay.

You might talk about a childhood experience and feel sad for days. You might begin to notice patterns in your relationships that are unsettling. You may feel worse before you feel better—and that doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working. It means it is.

Emotional growth doesn’t happen by skipping over discomfort. It happens by learning to stay present with it—gently, compassionately—until it reveals something deeper.

Doing the work means:

• Letting yourself feel emotions you’ve numbed or minimized.

• Allowing discomfort without rushing to fix it.

• Understanding that pain is not the enemy—avoidance is.

4. Engaging Outside the Session

Therapy is powerful, but real transformation often happens between sessions. That’s where you test new insights, practice different responses, and reflect on what’s come up. It’s where your nervous system begins to experience safety and flexibility in the real world.

Doing the work means bringing therapy into your everyday life—whether that’s journaling, practicing grounding exercises, setting a boundary, or simply noticing your triggers instead of reacting automatically.

It also means revisiting old patterns and learning to pause. Therapy is a space to prepare for those moments—but the “work” is applying it in real time.

Doing the work means:

• Practicing awareness in your daily interactions.

• Using tools (even when it feels easier not to).

• Being curious about what comes up outside the therapy room.

5. Building a Relationship With Your Inner World

One of the most transformative aspects of therapy is learning how to relate differently to your own thoughts, feelings, and memories. If you live with anxiety or trauma, your inner world may feel chaotic, overwhelming, or even unsafe.

Doing the work means starting to approach your inner experience with compassion instead of judgment. It means recognizing the anxious part of you as a protector—not a problem. It means understanding how trauma shaped you without letting it define you.

This takes time. But gradually, you begin to trust yourself more. You begin to respond to fear with care, to sadness with curiosity, and to your needs with respect.

Doing the work means:

• Rewriting the way you talk to yourself.

• Holding space for younger or wounded parts of yourself.

• Cultivating inner safety and emotional flexibility.

6. Trusting the Process (Even When It Feels Slow)

Therapy isn’t always dramatic. Some sessions are filled with insight and catharsis. Others are quiet, even frustrating. And yet, every session contributes to the whole.

If you’re used to measurable outcomes and quick turnarounds in your professional life, therapy’s timeline can feel unnerving. But healing is nonlinear—and often, the most profound shifts happen quietly and slowly over time.

Doing the work means trusting that you’re evolving, even if you don’t see progress week to week. It means committing to the process—not just the outcome.

Doing the work means:

• Staying with therapy when you hit plateaus.

• Being patient with your emotional growth.

• Trusting that small steps count.

7. Letting the Therapist In

This might sound obvious, but it's worth stating: You’re not doing this alone.

Sometimes, you’ll try to manage therapy the same way you manage everything else—by staying in control, by staying “together,” by anticipating what your therapist wants to hear. But therapy works best when you allow your therapist to really see you.

That includes the parts of you that are scared, angry, ashamed, or uncertain.

You might not feel ready to open up all at once—that’s okay. But as the relationship deepens, part of the work is learning to receive support, to trust someone else with your pain, and to allow connection where you’ve often been alone.

Doing the work means:

• Letting yourself be vulnerable with your therapist.

• Giving feedback when something doesn’t feel right.

• Allowing yourself to be supported without earning it.

8. Redefining Strength

One of the most beautiful parts of therapy is redefining what it means to be strong.

So many adults with anxiety and trauma have internalized a version of strength that looks like silence, stoicism, productivity, or perfection. But real strength is much more human—and much more healing.

Real strength looks like softness. It looks like crying in front of someone else. It looks like setting boundaries, asking for help, or saying “I don’t know.” It looks like facing the parts of yourself you’ve avoided, and choosing to grow anyway.

Doing the work means:

• Embracing vulnerability as a form of courage.

• Letting go of perfectionism as protection.

• Reclaiming a more authentic, embodied version of yourself.

Final Thoughts: You Are Already Doing the Work

If you’re in therapy—or even considering it—you’re already doing the work.

Every time you choose to reflect instead of react, to feel instead of numb, to stay instead of run—you are choosing growth. The work doesn’t have to look dramatic or heroic.

Sometimes, it’s as subtle as breathing through anxiety, speaking your truth, or learning to sit with silence.

Healing is not about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to yourself—gently, honestly, and bravely.

So if you’re wondering whether you’re doing it right, let me say this:

You are doing the work. Keep going.